Thursday, November 20, 2014

Talking Horror on the Monster Men Podcast

A few months ago, I wrote about a funny show called the Monster Men. It's a podcast that delves into all things horror, but does so with a lot of humor and general fuckery. It's a total blast and I made sure to subscribe on YouTube as soon as I found it.

I had the pleasure of jumping on for an episode or two last week and the results were pretty hilarious. Jack and Hunter are seriously funny dudes and I spent the majority of my time on their show trying not to laugh. Hopefully they'll have me on again sometime soon.

The topic at hand was found-footage movies. Now, these are usually utter crap. I still dig the format though, and there can be a lot of genuine scares if the filmmakers know what they're doing. Unfortunately for us, and for Netflix, they usually don't.

We talked about The Taking of Deborah Logan, Paranormal Activity, Evidence, Alien Abduction, Willow Creek, As Above, So Below, The Sacrament, and a whole lot more.

As always, I'm drinking beer and being an ass. It's what I do.

Give the video a thumbs up if you dig it.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Madness (Asher Benson #2) is Live!

This book was a long time in the making. Asher Benson has returned and he's as snarky and bad ass as ever. Here are the links:

Asher Benson has once again fled to a secluded cabin in the mountains outside of the sleepy town of Arthur's Creek, West Virginia. Government agents surround him day and night, blanketing his entire life in constant surveillance under the guise of keeping him safe.

That facade is shattered when every cell phone in Arthur's Creek rings simultaneously. Anyone who answers the call is driven into a violent, psychotic madness that turns the entire town into a slaughterhouse.

And Ash is caught in the middle of it all.

If you enjoy the novel, please review it!

Monday, November 17, 2014

Madness (Asher Benson #2) Cover Reveal

Asher Benson has once again fled to a secluded cabin in the mountains outside of the sleepy town of Arthur's Creek, West Virginia. Government agents surround him day and night, blanketing his entire life in constant surveillance under the guise of keeping him safe.

That facade is shattered when every cell phone in Arthur's Creek rings simultaneously. Anyone who answers the call is driven into a violent, psychotic madness that turns the entire town into a slaughterhouse.

And Ash is caught in the middle of it all.

-Madness releases this week!

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

The Perfect Crime (Asher Benson #1.5) Cover Reveal



Here comes the blurb:

The Rules have allowed Andrew Phillips to commit the most heinous of crimes for decades. He meticulously plans and executes kidnappings, murders, and other unspeakable acts to children. No one has ever come close to solving the atrocities he perpetrates every few months.

Phillips thinks he's successfully committed the perfect crimes.

And then he meets Asher Benson.

This short story will release next week at the same time as Madness (Asher Benson #2). 

Thursday, October 30, 2014

The 5 Worst Horror Movies by Spencer Blohm

Jason says: Hey, freaks! Spencer Blohm is back again with another guest post about terrible horror movies. If you've ever read this blog before, then you know how much I love me some craptastic cinema. You can find Spencer's other guest post about Ed Gein here. If you haven't watched the flicks he mentions, you should grab a beer and check 'em out. Hilarity ensues. Here's Spencer:

The 5 Worst Horror Movies

Horror films are supposed to be scary, but there are some that can only make you laugh. There's a fine line between scary and silly, which can be easily crossed with bad acting, predictable plots, badly crafted monsters, and more. Each of these following films boast at least one of these extreme flaws, making our top 5 list of worst horror movies:

1. Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood

Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood is a 2003 horror film written and directed by Steven Ayromlooi. It's the sixth sequel of the Leprechaun series, and portrays a Leprechaun looking for his stolen gold. He hunts and kills the thieves, a group of youths who were using the gold to grant wishes, until he is able to reclaim the pot of gold.

The film has a 25% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes and Entertainment Weekly also named it the third worst sequel in its "25 Worst Sequels Ever Made" article.

2. Plan 9 From Outer Space

Plan 9 from Outer Space is a 1959 science fiction thriller film written and directed by Ed Wood. The plot of the film consists of extraterrestrials attempting to stop humans from creating a doomsday weapon that they fear would destroy the entire universe. The aliens decide to implement "Plan 9," the aim of which is to resurrect the Earth's dead bodies. The resurrected bodies are (unsurprisingly) zombie-like characters who cause chaos.

The film played on television until 1980 (and is still available on Amazon streaming), when authors Michael Medved and Harry Medved dubbed Plan 9 from Outer Space the "worst movie ever made". Ed Wood was also awarded the Medved's' Golden Turkey Award for worst director ever.

3. House Of The Dead

House of the Dead is a 2003 film based on the 1996 light gun Sega arcade game. The film was directed by Uwe Boll and features Erica Durance in one of her earliest acting roles, before she became known as Smallville's Lois Lane. The film begins with two college students,Simon (Tyron Leitso) and Greg (Will Sanderson), who plan to attend a rave on an island. They take a boat there and meet up with three girls: Alicia (Ona Grauer), Karma (Enuka Okuma) and Cynthia (Sonya Salomaa). Out of the five kids, only two end up surviving and returning home.

Rotten Tomatoes ranked the film 41st in the 100 worst reviewed films of the 2000s, with a rating of 4%. IGN Movies claims it was a limited budget film with a cast of actors that were not well known. Time also listed the film on their 2009 list of "Top Ten Worst Video Games Movies."

4. Troll 2

Troll 2 is a 1990 horror film directed by Claudio Fragasso and starring Michael Stephenson, George Hardy, Margo Prey, Connie McFarland, Deborah Reed and Jason Wright. Initially, it was named Goblins, but the United States distributors felt the film would not succeed as a standalone film. They renamed it Troll 2 as a marketing technique, giving viewers the impression it was a sequel to the 1986 film Troll. However, the two films have no connection whatsoever and there are zero trolls in Troll 2. The film is actually about a family chased by vegetarian goblins who want to change them into plants and then eat them.

The script was written by Fragasso and his wife. Neither spoke fluent English, and the filming crew was an unfortunate mix of Italian-speakers, which led to many miscommunications. The film's cast consisted of all American actors, but many did not have any acting experience whatsoever. It also didn't help that the goblins' costumes were burlap clothes stuffed with foam rubber, and only one of them had a moveable mouth on its latex mask. Troll 2 has a rating of 6% on Rotten Tomatoes and was also rated as the worst film of all time by The film is so infamous that a documentary, called Best Worst Movie (which is available on Direct TV), was created to explain the origins and hilarity of the cult classic from the perspective of its former child star, Michael Stephenson.

5. The Wicker Man

The Wicker Man is a 2006 remake of the 1973 British cult classic of the same name, written and directed by Neil LaBute. It is also somewhat based on parts of David Pinner's 1967 novel Ritual. The film stars Nicolas Cage as a police officer named Edward Malus who is told by his ex-fiancée, Willow Woodward, that their daughter Rowan has disappeared. Edward travels to the island where Rowan was last seen, and has dealings with the neo-pagan people of the island
The Wicker Man received an overwhelming amount of negative reviews from film critics due to its bad screenwriting, poor acting, and unintentional humor. The film was deemed horrible enough to win Raspberry Award nominations for Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Screenplay, Worst Remake and Worst On-Screen Couple/

From bad acting and directing to simply being funny instead of scary, these horror films were given bad reviews for a multitude reasons. If you're into laughing at scary movies, then these may suit your taste. However, they wouldn't be the best choices if you’re truly looking to be frightened.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Idiot Authors Part 1

I've blogged in the past about how some authors really piss me off.

In one week, we've had two glaring examples of Authors Being Dickbags. Both have to do with these Special Snowflakes receiving bad reviews. This kind of stuff really gets under my skin.

First up is Margo Howard writing an article at the New Republic. Ever wonder what an elitist looks like? There ya go.

I'm not sure that I can say anything about Margo's mindset regarding readers/reviewers, particularly those in Amazon's Vine Voice, that's any worse than what she has put out there herself. Check out these direct quotes:

  • fellow customer would have read those pre-publication “reviews” and thought the book was dreck—although some people, I have to hope, would have spotted these attacks for what they were: ad hominem attacks.
  • In any case, these people are given freebies … cold cream, sneakers, pots and pans, and … books! I submit to you that free stuff does not a book reviewer make.
  • I can see the value—maybe—for man-on-the-street reviews of cold cream and pots and pans, but books?! Especially by people who collect free stuff, feel important because they’re getting this swag, and, forgive me, do not sound in the least like well-read people to begin with.
  • Books, of course, can be and are reviewed pre-publication—but by reviewers who are attached to magazines or newspapers. "Book Reviewer" is considered a profession, and reviews are done by other writers. Good sense would seem to militate against any group of people unschooled in creative and critical reviewing coming up with a worthwhile review.
  • I was so distressed about this injustice that I looked up the list of Amazon’s board of directors. Great good luck, I happened to know two of them, so I pestered the one who was a lawyer, feeling all this slamming by the barely literate approached tortious interference.

Yeah. That happened. Her comments on the same article continue with the snobbery.

Here's the deal, dear freaks... I don't care if you bought my book, downloaded it for free during a promo, borrowed it from a friend, or pirated it online, I regard all of your opinions equally. You gave my work a chance and I thank you.

I don't care if you're a plumber, book blogger, or newspaper editor. The fact that Margo does disgusts me.

Oh, and the whole 'cold cream, sneakers, pots and pans', but not 'books' comment is so pretentious that I thought my head might explode. It's OK to have 'man-on-the-street' reviews of those pots and pans, but not of MARGO FUCKING HOWARD'S BOOKS. Authors, apparently, are Special Snowflakes and are exempt from critique by you regular folk.

Know your role, peons.

Saturday, October 4, 2014